summer

Summer is finally here for us. We’ve been busy in the garden, at the park, in the forest and at the beach. Miss Joy’s first time playing in the ocean resulted in her having the longest, deepest sleep. She loves water and went out of her mind with happiness that she could fling herself into this never ending water.

I’m happy in the garden this year. It’s the first summer that I haven’t had a baby, new child, or been trying to get a child home. It feels good. The garden looks better than it ever has and is producing more. Peas that are five seconds off the vine before being eaten are amazing. Basil that is still warm from the sun is fragrant. Salad greens are delicate and buttery.

Happy Summer!

PS. Teaser for my next post. We are going to talk about pee.

Must Have Resource

Ok Peeps,

You know I rarely try to sell you on things, but this? This I’m going to do my darndest. Cause I’ve been without one, and with one, and know the difference it can make.

First, go check out my friend Melissa’s new site, Bumblebee Therapy.

Now, check out her Communication Tools section. Again, I’ll wait.

When we brought Queen E. home, she was technically ESL, though her English comprehension was good. Despite the fact that she’s a smart cookie, and was verbal pre meeting us, she was very limited in her verbal skills for a year. A full year. That’s a long time to know your child can talk and is choosing not too. I understand that this was a coping mechanism for her, but I wish, wish, wish, we had had these communication tools at that time. It would have helped so much. Reduced so much frustration and helped facilitate bonding and trust.

Fast forward to bringing Miss Joy home. We have these tools and the social story. Not only was it amazingly helpful, especially with a child who was fully ESL, but also for a child who needs to adhere to a schedule. But it also was a massive hit with all social workers and government officials we dealt with on our travels. They were seriously impressed.

The communication kit was practical, helpful and easy to use. We found that she weaned off them quickly within a few months, but that’s because they worked!They are the workhorse of these tools.

The social book? That was gold. Icing on the cake. There were so many moments of her journey where she referenced her book and made recognition with what was happening and where she was. This book is still never far from her, and will most likely be treasured for years to come.

It doesn’t take the place of a baby book, or a life book, but rather that unique position of preparing your child for their journey. Miss Joy was immediately able to reference in her story when we were on the airplane headed home. Did the same for the siblings she hadn’t met yet, the car, our house, her bedroom, bed and more. It helped immensely with the initial transition into our home. She understood so much more.

I can’t recommend these tools enough if you are bringing home a child. They are one of those things that are completely worth investing in.

First day of advent

You know all those ‘Woe is me, I’m missing all the ‘Firsts’ with my older adopted child’ stories we read? Well, sure, it’s true, but then there are the firsts you get this way.

Miss Joy’s first time opening up an advent calendar and finding chocolate inside. She didn’t know at first what it was, so I showed her how to peel the foil off. She looked at it, and said ‘For me?’ Yup. And then said ‘I eat it?’ Yup.

The wonder, excitement and sheer joy on her face just about made me burst into tears.

I love those firsts.

Cat lady

Miss Joy came home with the typical fear of all animals. And by fear, I mean EXTREME PRIMAL PANIC. She was exposed to all sorts of animals as we filled time in SA, and met cats and dogs. In fact, the children’s home she was in, has recognized that these children will often go into homes with pets, and so has added some cats to their roster.

Just the other day I said to Hoty, “just watch, she’s going to pendulum from terrified of the cat, to the crazy cat lady.”

And she has.

She stalks the cat. She laughs at the cat. She follows the cat flapping her hands while shrieking ‘Catty, CATTY, CATTY!’

She is obsessed.

We have a crazy cat lady on our hands.

I found the cat hiding behind the toilet in the laundry room.

There is only so much a long suffering cat can be expected to endure.

Protected: Medical update

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X-ray

Miss Joy went for a chest x-ray yesterday. This is pretty routine, given her medical history.

Off  B.man and Miss Joy and I went to the hospital.

I had not realized how infrequently I head out into the public sector where I need to define my role in my children’s lives.

Every single fargin person at the hospital, except one, gave me 20 questions as to my relationship to Miss Joy. I had to show ID, recite her stats, etc. even though it was already on file.

Not to mislead you all, but I actually didn’t get my panties in a knot about this. I mean, sure it bugs me, but I get that most people are just doing their job.

The point of this post is to tell you two things:

1. Miss Joy has an unholy fear of all hospital workers. Let’s just say that her previous experiences weren’t sunshiney and she now screams for everything, even routine, unpokey experiences. It’s not fun. I share this, to enlighten those of you who may be considering or doing an HIV adoption. Prepare for lots of energy, treats, soothing, etc in medical situations. Also, these experiences make me sweat a lot. So bring a spare shirt, or put an extra swipe of pit stick on in the morning. Seriously, when talking her through things as painless as an x-ray, I am dripping sweat at the end.

And 2. The tech at Radiology is now my personal hero of the week. He was awesome! Awesome with the kids, with me, etc. He didn’t ask for my definition, but immediately referred to me as ‘Mom’. Turns out he has a black son and attends a certain camp in Naramata, so chances are some of you already know him. I didn’t get his name, cause apparently I lose my brain, along with my sweat, in those circumstances. Anyhow, if any of you know him, tell him he made my week! When I thanked him for assuming I was the mom, he did tell me that most adults who bring children in who don’t match them, are the nannies. I guess I could be mistaken for a nanny. Cause the hordes of children who are saying ‘Mama! Mama!’ to me over and over again aren’t a dead giveaway of my nannying description.

I jest again. No reprimanding comments for me to calm down.

And a surprise #3! B.man made me squishy during the x-ray. He decided to be brave for his sis and show her that this was no big deal, and took his shirt off in solidarity.

These two crack me up. If one can do it, so can the other! They drove me nuts in a good way yesterday. All day long they told me, over and over again, how much they loved the other.

I, apparently, am chopped liver.

Protected: Clinic

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Home

Do I need to say more?

It’s delicious and hard and exhausting and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Typical to us, we aren’t honeymooning, we are right into the throes of transition and chaos and integration, etc. We have lots of laughter and wonder, and lots of crying and snot. Miss Joy’s English is exploding already. She LOVES the trampoline and asks to ‘go jump’ all the time. We already have Dr. appointments made and luggage unpacked. Laundry is mostly done, except that the bedding keeps arriving faster than I wash it. We are sleeping reasonably well.

I am dealing with some feelings of anxiety, but they are mostly founded on feeling overwhelmed with what all needs to get done and jetlag. We managed to work out this morning and that helped immensely.  We have loads of people supporting us with hugs and food, which is saving our butts right now.

Hoty is not working this week, which is keeping my sanity and we are working on applying for her Carecard, going to Dr’s, filing paperwork, figuring out school schedules, etc.

Thanks for all the comments and support, I’ll try and post pics soon.

 

Whooeeee.

Phew.

What to start with? So much to say…

I’ll start by putting you out of your misery. Yes, we have her passport. And yes, it’s already at the Canadian High Commission.

Lest you think it was that simple, sit back with a cup of tea.

Tuesday morning, we were up, packed and driving into Maseru by 7:30am. We drove to the passport office, only to be told that they would be done at noon. To get that bit of info took much longer than to type. We then found out from our lawyer, that we were missing one of our court orders. Greeaaat. Good timing to let us know that. Sigh…

We got that semi sorted out and as I was going through the paperwork, found a pretty big typo. Ick. The lawyer ran off to get it corrected, while the clock ticked on. At this point it was 10:30am, the time of our party at Beautiful Gate. Between the rep, the lawyer and us, we checked all the paperwork to make sure there were no more mistakes.

Cue dashing off to Beautiful Gate, late. On the way there, we remembered that we were supposed to be bringing the head social worker with us. Turn around, battle traffic, pick her up. Picture our rep slamming his head into his steering wheel by now.

Arrived at Beautiful Gate and heard the most wonderful singing, greeting us. We walked in very late, to a room full of staff singing their hearts out. I’ve heard about the ceremony that takes place here, but trust me when I say there isn’t a dry eye, it’s true. Even the staunchest men were sniveling.

It was an amazing, stunning moment. Each house mother got to take the child, talk about them, formally say good bye, and hand them back to us. I get weepy just typing this. After this, there were other speeches and events, most importantly, the eating of cake! I had the opportunity to serve Joy’s house mother her cake. The founders of Beautiful Gate gave each child a scrap book of their time there, a quilt, and a teddy. They spoke words to all of us. This was especially sweet as this was the last good bye ceremony they will take part in and we have met them before.

Afterwards I had the opportunity to spend some time in the memorial at Beautiful Gate for the children who have died over the years. I was bawling. There is a plaque to a little baby girl with the same name as our daughter who died of HIV. It just felt so frustrating and futile that these babies had to die. Most of them under a year old. This felt especially touching to me as after reading Joy’s medical records, and talking to her nurse. She could have died several times. The nurse and house mother refer to Joy as their miracle child.

I also got to talk to the social worker at Beautiful Gate about Joy’s history, and it was wonderful. She is a lovely person and cares about, and knows all the children.

We then dashed off to the passport office, to catch them before we closed for lunch. We waited in the hallway, and finally our rep came out. He was holding passports, but had a grim look on his face. Before he said a word, I counted that we were short a passport.

Yup.

Ours.

Sometimes, like in that moment, I gotta wonder if we are cursed with the most rotten luck in Africa.

We ran up to the director of passports, office to find that he was in a meeting and then would be gone to lunch. We were told to come back at 3pm for his approval to have the passport printed.

I may have kind of snapped. In a German, stubborn sort of way.

I told the receptionist, ‘I will wait here until he comes out from his meeting.’

Her: ‘She can’t wait.’

Me: I will wait.

Her: She can’t wait.

This continued as my rep looked ready to die.

Apparently this sheer force of will works once in awhile because the application was approved in 5 minutes and we were told to pick up the passport at 3.

Ha.

We then told the other Canadian families to go. That there was enough time for them to get to Pretoria before dark. One family, that we have become super close too, refused to leave us.

Silly people.

Sniff, sniff…they have my heart.

At 3:40, we finally got her passport, sans mistakes. I made all the staff laugh by kissing it. We got through the Lesotho border by 4:30 and into Pretoria by 10pm. And that included getting lost for about 45 minutes. Mind you, the average speed that the two gentlemen driving maintained, was 145km/hour. Average.

Up early this morning to drop off her application at the Canadian High Commission with no hitches, except that the only person who does the adoption files is gone for the rest of the week. Uh-huh. Yup, they are. Of course they are. Grrr…

Silver lining, we were told that we would get a call on Monday or Tuesday.

Pray us home, peeps.

We are making the most of this Pretoria time. Planning some family outings and getting in some rest time. Visiting with dear friends and hanging with new ones.

I just am ready to get my family united. I worry about my babies back at home. Rationally I know that they are fine, but I want to be with them. I am unbelievably grateful for the support network that is allowing us to stay here longer.

Love from Pretoria. Where the grass is green and the laundry is cheap.

 

Monday

We had a lovely day today.

Spent the morning going to a place where women spin and dye the goat hair and create the famous Lesotho wall tapestries. We bought a few to bring home and visited with the ladies who were busy spinning and weaving.

In the afternoon, we had our last meeting with officials, right as planned! And when all the people in the office heard that we still didn’t have passports, there were apologies and phone calls made. We are hopeful that we will have her passport tomorrow morning and we are headed down to camp out at the passport office first thing in the morning. At 10:30am we have our party at Beautiful Gate. If all goes well, we are hoping to be in Pretoria by tomorrow night. If we can pull that off, then we will be able to submit Miss Joy’s docs Wednesday morning at the Canadian High Commission.

Say a prayer, do a dance, hold your breath, think good thoughts!

On a Miss Joy note: At our official meeting, the woman took her from me for a hug. Miss Joy immediately looked for me, and then reached for me. It was a great moment for me, and went a long way to convincing the officials that she is bonding well.

Love to all, keep the emails coming!